Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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