Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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