last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
