I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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