Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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