My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
