There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize