I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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