Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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