I will die if light touches me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
