She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize