This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
