Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
