He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
