i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
