come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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