please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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