Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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