So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
