He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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