Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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