Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I forget how to act sober
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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