when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize