Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
