Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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