sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
