Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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