I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
