You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
