She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
