i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
