tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
