When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
