Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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