dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
