If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
