you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
