I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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