there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
