tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she pinky promised me she was 18
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
