I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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