Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize