what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
