I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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