Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
