Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
