I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize