Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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