tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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