sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize