Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
