You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize