I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
