She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
