exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
