Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
