evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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