oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize