So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
