No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We are all done wearing pants today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
