Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
