I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
