i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
