when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He better not be in your backpack
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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