ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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