my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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