"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
