i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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