Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
