Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
