i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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